I give myself permission not to forgive everything that happens.

My grandmother was a miserable woman, who’s final words upon her deathbed were intended to hurt a hearted loving father as much as possible, who had dropped everything to drive across the country and reach her in a final hour of need. I refused to go to her funeral. People said I would regret. To this day, remembering that decision still brings immeasurable peace.

Society pressures forgiveness for the sanctity of ‘positive’ relationships. People forget that when asking for forgiveness, they demand from the very ones wronged, seeking an absolution rather than healing.

While we wait to feel forgiveness, time ruthlessly marches on, and the consequences of our inner distress will long echo if we cannot master the self. Forgiveness is a good when it happens, but cannot be forced, nor always given, even when someone wants or thinks they should.

I prefer to promote compassion, understanding, and empathy. We do not need to feel ‘right’ about what others do, but we do need to learn how to live with others different than ourselves. It is grounding and important to find acceptance for things beyond our understanding or control and live with respect to those interactions.